Pieces of the Puzzle

I don't know exactly how I'm going to express the feelings that I have inside right now. So as my husband would say...if it comes out wrong, I'll fix it later.

I think in a matter of 4 hours, I have felt every single emotion possible. Hurt, anger, frustration, happiness, lonliness and sorrow are just some. I feel like I need to curl up in a blanket with a huge bowl of ice cream and a sappy movie just so I have an excuse to cry the buckets of tears that I know others are shedding with me. These tears do not fall for me, but rather for my friends whom I love so dearly. The fact that I can't help them tears me apart.

I am the type of person that many people would call "Ms. Fixit." When my friends are hurting, I would give anything just to make them smile again and make everything okay. I am sorry, but telling me to pray for them just isn't good enough sometimes! I need to do something...even if I just sit in the silence with them. And when I say silence, I mean it because I usually end up saying something completely wrong because I feel the need to help them and it only makes things worse. (Please note that I do pray for them becuase I know that God is truly the only one who can comfort them as He should be.)

Anyways....my mom always tells me that I take on the weight of the world. I end up taking on the trials that my friends go through as my own. I don't do it for attention and I know that I can't keep putting everything in my "backpack" but I do it because I would rather all these things happen to me than to see one of my friends shed a single tear. They are all good people and deserve nothing but the best in life.

Ultimately, I know that everyone and everything will be okay. (Romans 8:28 - And we know that in all things God works for the good of those who love him, who have been called according to his purpose.) I find myself saying that God sees the whole puzzle and we just get a glimpse of a few pieces. God knows how to put the puzzle together and knows how each piece works together to make a beautiful creation. I think as people, we end up being hurt, sad, lonley, angry etc. because there are pieces to the puzzle that are unknown to us. We don't know why God allows us to go through the trials that we go through. I do think that we grow to be stronger people because of our trials; however it's so hard not to have a mix of emotions while walking through them. Why we (really it should be I) don't turn to God first is beyond me. Why is it that our human nature is to try to solve everything on our own rather than letting the Lord fix things when He knows how the pieces fit together. Didn't God make emotions? Doesn't God know everything? Why don't we (again I) lean on Him first?

Saying all of this...I find myself doing the only thing I know how to do. Pray.

Dear Jesus,

I pray right now that you will hold each and every one of my friends in your hands. Lord, you know their situations, you know their hurts, and their fears. Wrap your loving arms around them and give them peace. Let them know that you are in total control of their lives and you have an AMAZING future planned for them. Lord, help us all to trust you with our hearts, knowing You will turn all things into good for those who love You and are called according to Your purpose. We love you Lord.

Amen