The Hand Upon My Shoulder

The past few months have been a struggle for me. Since I had my daughter 6 months ago, I've had a hard time finding who I am as a wife, who I am as a mother, who I am as a friend and really who I am as a person. (Thank God for my husband who has so graciously taken the brunt of my frustrations, anger, hurt and all the other emotions that my raging hormones created. I owe him BIG.) I found myself feeling empty and dry, as though something were missing from my life. Before the baby, I found myself listening to the Word FM every morning, noon and night. I was constantly filling myself with music that would lift up the Lord and inturn it would lift my spirit. For some reason....I fell out of that.

So...just last week I forced myself to turn off my ever so loved country music and put on the Word FM again. I knew I needed to be lifted spiritually. Although there were many times I was very tempted to change the dial (especially when static kicked in) I stood strong and forced the songs into my heart, brain and spirit. I knew it was what I needed to bring joy back into my life.

As I listened to the worship music while driving to work this morning I started thinking about my past and realizing just how awesome God is and how his hand has been upon my shoulder my entire life. This realization lead to the question of why?

When I was in college I got to the point where I was tired of my parents telling me what I could and couldn't do. I was tired of them telling me who I could and couldn't date. I was an adult and wanted to be treated like one. I wanted to make my own decisions. So I moved out, walking away from all of my friends and family, started dating a non-christian boy and spent my nights at a local bar. (I can only imagine the devistation my parents felt.) But after only three months, I felt God's hand of protection cover me. He sent the boy away and I found myself living back with my parents.

So I ask myself why? Why did God protect me when I didn't deserve it? Why did God save this sinner? Why did God choose to protect me, but chose to let others get their way? These are questions that I can not answer, but I will say that I am so glad He did.

I have had an incredible journey the past few years and may events are a testimony of just how great God is. Things that have happened in my life are not just coincodence, but were planned by the Lord. It is not a coincodence that I met and married my perfect match. It is not a coincodence that my daughter was born on the 27th anniversary of my brothers death. It is not a coincodence that I'm standing here feeling more filled with God's love then I ever imagined.

So today, I'm reminded that God has His hand upon my shoulder. He guides me exactly where He wants me to be and frankly, I wouldn't want it any other way.

Jeremiah 10:23 - I know, O LORD, that a man's life is not his own; it is not for man to direct his steps.