Four years ago...I entered into the area of youth ministry. Children have always been a passion of mine and when I met my husband, we just knew that's where God was leading us. My husband has an amazing gift with kids. He just knows how to reach them on their level. I on the other hand do not....but I have the organizational skills that he lacks, so between the two of us, we make a pretty decent team (although far from perfect.)
We started working with a team of two other couples, with Phil and I as the lead for the Junior High age. I look back on those days and smile because God really used all of our gifts and talents in such an awesome way. It was such a joy to work with the two other couples. When we didn't know what to do with a situation, we always knew we could lean on each other. There was a sense of security in numbers, and it was nice.
But...for various reasons, over the course of three years, the other couples resigned. They did what was best for their families and I hold a high amount of respect for the decison that they made because I know it was hard to make. Unfortunatley, when the last couple left about a year and half ago, it left Phil and I to not only lead the Junior High, but to take on the entire group.
We did so willingly because of the love we have for youth, never stopping to examine the effect it would have on our daughter, our marriage or our spiritual growth. Honestly, since there was no one else, we really didn't feel like we had a choice. We just went with it and thought we would figure it out along the way.
Over the past few weeks, I will openly say that I have not been happy. I have been in a constant state of sadness and it took me until recently to figure out why. I'm dry....I'm thirsty....and I'm not being filled. I physcially have not sat in a church service for about a year and a half because I am always down teaching the kids. I have poured out everything I have to give without having a source to replenish me. My husband has done the same.
This week, a special speaker was at church, and I didn't want to miss her. So...since my husband and I were once again on for teaching, we cancelled the class and had the kids stay in the service. And let me just say that I'm so glad we did. The message was for us. I don't think we ever took our eyes off the speaker. She didn't once loose us. We soaked up all she had to give and afterwards, my husband took me by the hand and had her pray for us and she confirmed a lot of what we were feeling.
So this week, I've started new. I have a drop of water in my well...and I'm not feeling so dry. I rise early to spend time with God before my day starts. I may not understand what I am reading all the time, but slowly through the day, God shows me different things. Just in two days, I've become less bitter, less dependent on what others think of me and more dependent on God and his opinion of me. I've learned that we can't change people...no matter how hard we try and we shouldn't just sit there and expect them to change because that will bring nothing but disappointment. But God is the same, yesterday, today and forever! I've also learned that God created us to make each other happy, but we can't make each other happy if we are not making God happy.
Today...I sit here knowing I am loved by God. He is holding me in the shadow of his wing, guiding me and protecting me. His hand has been on my little family over the past few years even in the times when I thought He was gone.
Today...I won't just sit and wait.....but like Martha...I will run to meet with Him. For I know the plans He has for me...plans to prosper me and not to harm me, plans to give me hope and a future.
In Him...I find my rest.
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