Four years ago...I entered into the area of youth ministry. Children have always been a passion of mine and when I met my husband, we just knew that's where God was leading us. My husband has an amazing gift with kids. He just knows how to reach them on their level. I on the other hand do not....but I have the organizational skills that he lacks, so between the two of us, we make a pretty decent team (although far from perfect.)
We started working with a team of two other couples, with Phil and I as the lead for the Junior High age. I look back on those days and smile because God really used all of our gifts and talents in such an awesome way. It was such a joy to work with the two other couples. When we didn't know what to do with a situation, we always knew we could lean on each other. There was a sense of security in numbers, and it was nice.
But...for various reasons, over the course of three years, the other couples resigned. They did what was best for their families and I hold a high amount of respect for the decison that they made because I know it was hard to make. Unfortunatley, when the last couple left about a year and half ago, it left Phil and I to not only lead the Junior High, but to take on the entire group.
We did so willingly because of the love we have for youth, never stopping to examine the effect it would have on our daughter, our marriage or our spiritual growth. Honestly, since there was no one else, we really didn't feel like we had a choice. We just went with it and thought we would figure it out along the way.
Over the past few weeks, I will openly say that I have not been happy. I have been in a constant state of sadness and it took me until recently to figure out why. I'm dry....I'm thirsty....and I'm not being filled. I physcially have not sat in a church service for about a year and a half because I am always down teaching the kids. I have poured out everything I have to give without having a source to replenish me. My husband has done the same.
This week, a special speaker was at church, and I didn't want to miss her. So...since my husband and I were once again on for teaching, we cancelled the class and had the kids stay in the service. And let me just say that I'm so glad we did. The message was for us. I don't think we ever took our eyes off the speaker. She didn't once loose us. We soaked up all she had to give and afterwards, my husband took me by the hand and had her pray for us and she confirmed a lot of what we were feeling.
So this week, I've started new. I have a drop of water in my well...and I'm not feeling so dry. I rise early to spend time with God before my day starts. I may not understand what I am reading all the time, but slowly through the day, God shows me different things. Just in two days, I've become less bitter, less dependent on what others think of me and more dependent on God and his opinion of me. I've learned that we can't change people...no matter how hard we try and we shouldn't just sit there and expect them to change because that will bring nothing but disappointment. But God is the same, yesterday, today and forever! I've also learned that God created us to make each other happy, but we can't make each other happy if we are not making God happy.
Today...I sit here knowing I am loved by God. He is holding me in the shadow of his wing, guiding me and protecting me. His hand has been on my little family over the past few years even in the times when I thought He was gone.
Today...I won't just sit and wait.....but like Martha...I will run to meet with Him. For I know the plans He has for me...plans to prosper me and not to harm me, plans to give me hope and a future.
In Him...I find my rest.
Nov 16, 2010
Nov 11, 2010
Isabella's Birth Story....better late then never right?
My daughter, Isabella, turned 21 months this week. Wow...I really don't think I had a full appreciation for time until I had my daughter. It doesn't just go by fast....it FLIES!!! Anyways....as I sit her with my terrible two year old, I'd like to take some time to reflect on her birth. Mainly...because I know that eventually I will forget some details and don't really want to.
So...without further adue...her story.
Five months into our marriage, my husband and I decided it was time to start our family. Most couples get a dog at this point...but we decided to go for the baby. My husband and I both enjoy children and in fact, it's the one passion that we both share. So..for us..it made sense.
It didn't take long to conceive our daughter...I think it was about 3 months. During that time, my husband would pray over us and one night I distinctly remember him praying "Lord...please let us have a baby. And can it be a girl?" That month we conceived...and were completely overjoyed.
My pregnancy was really easy. I had the usual aches and pains, but overall, the morning sickness wasn't too bad (or I just got used to it) and my doctors were very happy. We found out at 20 weeks that we were indeed having a girl. I couldn't be happier and remember thanking God for honoring our prayers.
My due date came and went and by that point, like most other pregnant women, I was miserable. I could no longer fit behind the steering wheel of my car, therefore I was stuck in my house. I was no longer able to go to work to pass the time. I wasn't able to get out by myself...so my wonderful dad would pick me up and take me out places so I could just walk and not be alone.
On February 6, 2009 I was at my sisters and was having some pretty good contractions. So..my brother-in-law made me go to the hospital just to see how things were going. Now...to give you a little background, I had a brother that was born on February 6, 1982, however due to some health issues, he didn't make it and passed away on February 8, 1982. So..on my drive to the hospital, with my sister and husband...I just didn't know if I could have the baby on his birthday. It was just too hard. Turns out...I was sent home. Phew!!! I was however, in the beginning stages of labor.
The next day...my mom and I walked...and walked...and walked some more. We shopped at Kohls and as I leaned over the counter with contractions, the cashier said "are you ok" and I said "yes..I'm ready for this baby to come out!" She smiled and said good luck.
That night, I remember having contractions and I would sleep in between them, but then at 4am on February 8, 2009 I had a contraction that I just couldn't sleep through and when I sat up to wake my husband up, my water broke. I literally hit my husband and said "GET UP! I"M IN LABOR" as I grabbed a towel (conveniently next to my bed) in order to avoid getting the carpet wet. This was it!! She was coming!!!
We started on our way to the hospital and on the way I realized the date. It was February 8, 2009...the 27th anniversary of my brother's death. I remembercrying talking with God in the car saying "Lord...I can't do this...not on this day. It's just too hard" as I had contraction after contraction about 1 minute apart. But ever so faithfully, clear as day I heard "I'm turning this day into a happy day. It will no longer be a day of sadness." And that was all I needed to hear.
Five hours later I got my epidural. I can honestly say I don't remember what the contractions felt like, but I know they hurt. I remember leaning on my husbands shoulder trying to breath through them. In addition, I was just too tired from being up so early. So, about 1 minute after getting my epidural...I was asleep and slept for hours off and on. At 10:00 pm, I felt pressure and it turns out I was ready to push. This was it! After 18 hours...I was ready to bring this little baby into the world. I think it was about 10 good pushes and at 10:25pm Isabella Grace Moses was born. 7lbs 20 1/4 inches long. She looked JUST like her mommy. My little girl was here and she was perfect.
Then.....the day we brought her home.
To this day...I still look at my daugher and cry. It amazes me that God trusts me to raise this wonderful child. She is my life, my everything. And yes...we have our challenges (like crawling out of cribs) but challenge is good, because its the challenges that make us grow. It's the challenges that make us trust and lean on God.
Now....such a big girl.
So...without further adue...her story.
Five months into our marriage, my husband and I decided it was time to start our family. Most couples get a dog at this point...but we decided to go for the baby. My husband and I both enjoy children and in fact, it's the one passion that we both share. So..for us..it made sense.
It didn't take long to conceive our daughter...I think it was about 3 months. During that time, my husband would pray over us and one night I distinctly remember him praying "Lord...please let us have a baby. And can it be a girl?" That month we conceived...and were completely overjoyed.
My pregnancy was really easy. I had the usual aches and pains, but overall, the morning sickness wasn't too bad (or I just got used to it) and my doctors were very happy. We found out at 20 weeks that we were indeed having a girl. I couldn't be happier and remember thanking God for honoring our prayers.
My due date came and went and by that point, like most other pregnant women, I was miserable. I could no longer fit behind the steering wheel of my car, therefore I was stuck in my house. I was no longer able to go to work to pass the time. I wasn't able to get out by myself...so my wonderful dad would pick me up and take me out places so I could just walk and not be alone.
On February 6, 2009 I was at my sisters and was having some pretty good contractions. So..my brother-in-law made me go to the hospital just to see how things were going. Now...to give you a little background, I had a brother that was born on February 6, 1982, however due to some health issues, he didn't make it and passed away on February 8, 1982. So..on my drive to the hospital, with my sister and husband...I just didn't know if I could have the baby on his birthday. It was just too hard. Turns out...I was sent home. Phew!!! I was however, in the beginning stages of labor.
The next day...my mom and I walked...and walked...and walked some more. We shopped at Kohls and as I leaned over the counter with contractions, the cashier said "are you ok" and I said "yes..I'm ready for this baby to come out!" She smiled and said good luck.
That night, I remember having contractions and I would sleep in between them, but then at 4am on February 8, 2009 I had a contraction that I just couldn't sleep through and when I sat up to wake my husband up, my water broke. I literally hit my husband and said "GET UP! I"M IN LABOR" as I grabbed a towel (conveniently next to my bed) in order to avoid getting the carpet wet. This was it!! She was coming!!!
We started on our way to the hospital and on the way I realized the date. It was February 8, 2009...the 27th anniversary of my brother's death. I remember
Five hours later I got my epidural. I can honestly say I don't remember what the contractions felt like, but I know they hurt. I remember leaning on my husbands shoulder trying to breath through them. In addition, I was just too tired from being up so early. So, about 1 minute after getting my epidural...I was asleep and slept for hours off and on. At 10:00 pm, I felt pressure and it turns out I was ready to push. This was it! After 18 hours...I was ready to bring this little baby into the world. I think it was about 10 good pushes and at 10:25pm Isabella Grace Moses was born. 7lbs 20 1/4 inches long. She looked JUST like her mommy. My little girl was here and she was perfect.
Then.....the day we brought her home.
To this day...I still look at my daugher and cry. It amazes me that God trusts me to raise this wonderful child. She is my life, my everything. And yes...we have our challenges (like crawling out of cribs) but challenge is good, because its the challenges that make us grow. It's the challenges that make us trust and lean on God.
Now....such a big girl.
So thank you Lord for the daughter that you have given me. May I become the mother that you intended to give to this child. Help me guide her in your ways. May she never turn from you, even for one minute.
Nov 3, 2010
3 Years and Counting....
Three years ago today was one of the happiest days of my life because not only was I getting married, but I was marrying my best friend.
Recently, I've been trying to find the definition of a friend. As the dictonary defines, a friend is 1. A person whom one knows, likes, and trusts. 2. A person whom one knows; an acquaintance. 3. A person with whom one is allied in a struggle or cause; a comrade. 4. One who supports, sympathizes with, or patronizes a group, cause, or movement. According to this definition, I could say that I have a lot of "friends." For me a friend is there for you no matter what. They tell you things that you don't necessarily want to hear, but know that it will benefit you. A friend makes sure you are doing okay. A friend lifts you up at all times. A friend thinks of you before thinking of themself. A friend can be trusted, and doesn't do anything to break that trust. A friend cares...and shows it.
So, after three years I can honestly say that not only do I wake up to an amazing man every morning....but I wake up to the one person in my life that will love me for me. That will stick things out through good times and bad. The one person that will never just give up on me and let our relationship fade. I wake up to the one person that I know I can always count on.
Phil, words will never be able to describe the way I feel about you. I cherish every moment we have together. You are my perfect match. Thank you for protecting me, providing for me and praying for me. But most importantly, thank you for loving me. You had my heart from the moment we laid eyes on each other, and you will have my heart forever. I love you!
Recently, I've been trying to find the definition of a friend. As the dictonary defines, a friend is 1. A person whom one knows, likes, and trusts. 2. A person whom one knows; an acquaintance. 3. A person with whom one is allied in a struggle or cause; a comrade. 4. One who supports, sympathizes with, or patronizes a group, cause, or movement. According to this definition, I could say that I have a lot of "friends." For me a friend is there for you no matter what. They tell you things that you don't necessarily want to hear, but know that it will benefit you. A friend makes sure you are doing okay. A friend lifts you up at all times. A friend thinks of you before thinking of themself. A friend can be trusted, and doesn't do anything to break that trust. A friend cares...and shows it.
So, after three years I can honestly say that not only do I wake up to an amazing man every morning....but I wake up to the one person in my life that will love me for me. That will stick things out through good times and bad. The one person that will never just give up on me and let our relationship fade. I wake up to the one person that I know I can always count on.
Phil, words will never be able to describe the way I feel about you. I cherish every moment we have together. You are my perfect match. Thank you for protecting me, providing for me and praying for me. But most importantly, thank you for loving me. You had my heart from the moment we laid eyes on each other, and you will have my heart forever. I love you!
Oct 27, 2010
Our Love Story....part three
If you didn't read the last two posts, you can find them here and here.
So...when Phil asked me out...I have to say that I freaked. Remember...I just had thatcrazy screaming match at God in my car. So...I did the only thing I could think of. I called my friend Isaac. You see....Phil thought it may be cool to ride my 4wheelers but I didn't want to be alone with him...so I called on Isaac. Unfortunately, Isaac was not available...so guess what I did. Yeppers....I turned Phil down. I think he was a bit shocked...but I wasn't willing to sacrifice my beliefs again.
About a week later, I found out that Phil had given his life to the Lord the night before he asked me out. All I could do was laugh because God had done what I asked...I just didn't know it.
So...as time went on, Phil persisted and we finally started dating. He asked my dad's permission and through out entire relationship, he respected my parents authority over me. Phil would have monthly meetings with my dad just to talk about where he was spiritually and what his intensions were with me.
About a year into our relationship, Phil and I went to Marsh Creek (a beautiful lake in our area) for lunch. This was something we would do often. We went for a walk and while we were walking, I realized I didn't put any jewelry on. I was bummed because we had a graduation party to go to and I felt completely naked (you girls know that feeling.) Well...we stopped at an opening just to take in the scenary. It was beautiful!!! The sky was the perfect shade of blue and the sun was shining. It literally was a perfect day in June. Next thing I know...I hear Phil say "It's funny that you forgot to put your jewelry on today, because I happen to have something for you." It was at that instant, I knew he was proposing. I got so emotional and started crying because I couldn't believe it was happening. I leaned on his shoulder and with his arms around me he said "Will you marry me?" I of course said yes and he put the BEAUTIFUL ring on my finger. I couldn't believe it...I was finally engaged to the man that I have loved from day one. The one that I know, without doubt, is my perfect match.
So...when Phil asked me out...I have to say that I freaked. Remember...I just had that
About a week later, I found out that Phil had given his life to the Lord the night before he asked me out. All I could do was laugh because God had done what I asked...I just didn't know it.
So...as time went on, Phil persisted and we finally started dating. He asked my dad's permission and through out entire relationship, he respected my parents authority over me. Phil would have monthly meetings with my dad just to talk about where he was spiritually and what his intensions were with me.
About a year into our relationship, Phil and I went to Marsh Creek (a beautiful lake in our area) for lunch. This was something we would do often. We went for a walk and while we were walking, I realized I didn't put any jewelry on. I was bummed because we had a graduation party to go to and I felt completely naked (you girls know that feeling.) Well...we stopped at an opening just to take in the scenary. It was beautiful!!! The sky was the perfect shade of blue and the sun was shining. It literally was a perfect day in June. Next thing I know...I hear Phil say "It's funny that you forgot to put your jewelry on today, because I happen to have something for you." It was at that instant, I knew he was proposing. I got so emotional and started crying because I couldn't believe it was happening. I leaned on his shoulder and with his arms around me he said "Will you marry me?" I of course said yes and he put the BEAUTIFUL ring on my finger. I couldn't believe it...I was finally engaged to the man that I have loved from day one. The one that I know, without doubt, is my perfect match.
Oct 20, 2010
Our Love Story...part two.
In case you didn't get the first part, you can read it here.
I was very active in my church youth group when I was younger. The friends that I bonded with during those times are still the same friends I have today. Unfortunatley, some things that were said as "kids" get carried with you for the rest of your life.
It was the second week that Phil came to the bible study. Again, I had dance class, but this time, I made sure I looked a little more put together when I came home. (yes.....I made sure my makeup was fresh, I admit it.) Phil had come to bible study from class so he was riding his motorcycle, which I found to be extremely attractive. The only problem with this situation was that I knew Phil had not given his life to the Lord. Because of this, I kept my distance and tried very hard to hide the fact that I was liking him more and more each week.
One weekend, we all got together. We had a fun day barbequing at a friends house and we all decided to go see the Ice Age movie. (I think it was the first one) I remember driving in my car with two friends to the theatre and one of them said, "So, who do you think Phil likes?" We all decided it was the girl who brought him to the study. In my head I knew it was me, but seriously, who sits there and says "you are wrong...he's all about me!" Um...can we say conceded? Plus.....some hurtful things were said about me during those youth group days which killed my self-confidence even as an adult. (and yes....I still battle things even today) So....I went along with the prediction that was made and tried very hard not to think of things.
By the end of the night, we were all saying good bye and it came time for me to say good bye to Phil. He reached down and gave me a hug and I knew by the way he held me and by the way he looked at me that he wanted more than a friendship.
I had to take a few friends home that night and after they got out of the car and I was driving home, I remember screaming at the top of my lungs at God. (yes...crazy person I know....Thankfully it was 1am and there weren't too many people on the road to witness it) I told God that I didn't even want Phil to think about asking me out on a date until he had given his life to the Lord. I remember screaming "I won't go down that road again. I won't get hurt like that again. I'm happy just the way that I am. Please don't let him ask me out until he has given his life to you!" I remember crying because I didn't want my life to fall apart again.
The following day....he asked me out.
I was very active in my church youth group when I was younger. The friends that I bonded with during those times are still the same friends I have today. Unfortunatley, some things that were said as "kids" get carried with you for the rest of your life.
It was the second week that Phil came to the bible study. Again, I had dance class, but this time, I made sure I looked a little more put together when I came home. (yes.....I made sure my makeup was fresh, I admit it.) Phil had come to bible study from class so he was riding his motorcycle, which I found to be extremely attractive. The only problem with this situation was that I knew Phil had not given his life to the Lord. Because of this, I kept my distance and tried very hard to hide the fact that I was liking him more and more each week.
One weekend, we all got together. We had a fun day barbequing at a friends house and we all decided to go see the Ice Age movie. (I think it was the first one) I remember driving in my car with two friends to the theatre and one of them said, "So, who do you think Phil likes?" We all decided it was the girl who brought him to the study. In my head I knew it was me, but seriously, who sits there and says "you are wrong...he's all about me!" Um...can we say conceded? Plus.....some hurtful things were said about me during those youth group days which killed my self-confidence even as an adult. (and yes....I still battle things even today) So....I went along with the prediction that was made and tried very hard not to think of things.
By the end of the night, we were all saying good bye and it came time for me to say good bye to Phil. He reached down and gave me a hug and I knew by the way he held me and by the way he looked at me that he wanted more than a friendship.
I had to take a few friends home that night and after they got out of the car and I was driving home, I remember screaming at the top of my lungs at God. (yes...crazy person I know....Thankfully it was 1am and there weren't too many people on the road to witness it) I told God that I didn't even want Phil to think about asking me out on a date until he had given his life to the Lord. I remember screaming "I won't go down that road again. I won't get hurt like that again. I'm happy just the way that I am. Please don't let him ask me out until he has given his life to you!" I remember crying because I didn't want my life to fall apart again.
The following day....he asked me out.
Oct 12, 2010
Our Love Story....part one
As my anniversary draws closer, I wanted to take some time and relfect on our story. So many times we are asked how we met and we give a very simple answer, but neglect to give God the true glory of it all. So...here is the start of it all.
I had given up. I was tired of meeting the "bad" boys at college. You know....the ones who just get you into trouble....who do not have the same beliefs as you.....who pretty much just drive you down. So..I decided, enough was enough. I wasn't going to date anyone unless we were equally yoked. I had talked to my parents and asked if they would start praying for me to meet my future husband. At the same time, I started praying. Little did I know, that we were all praying that my future husband would walk in the door to my house.
A few months went by and I had started a dance class with a friend. It happened to be on the same night that my parents hosted a young adults bible study. All of the friends I grew up with attended the bible study, so I would make sure I came home in time to see all of them. Although I missed the study, I really enjoyed catching up with them afterwards.
One night, one of those dear friends decided to bring a guest. So, when I walked in the door and turned the corner, there he was. I knew instantly that it was him. Here I was standing in front of Phil, my future husband, in my sweat pants with my hair tied back in a sweaty pony tail and my eyes black from the smudged mascara I had put on at 6am. Wow....what an impression right? He stared at me for a few moments and then said, "I know you from somewhere."
Years back...when I was about 16 or so, a bunch of friends and I got into rock climbing big time. We were at the rock gym several times a week and Phil happened to run the gym at the time. I remembered him from the gym so in response I said "Vertical Extreme." He said "no...somewhere else" to which my friend chimed in and said "she went to Downingtown High School." And that was it. He remembered seeing me walking through the halls at school 4-5 years earlier.
He shook my hand saying "nice to meet you" thinking to himself...this is her.
to be continued......
I had given up. I was tired of meeting the "bad" boys at college. You know....the ones who just get you into trouble....who do not have the same beliefs as you.....who pretty much just drive you down. So..I decided, enough was enough. I wasn't going to date anyone unless we were equally yoked. I had talked to my parents and asked if they would start praying for me to meet my future husband. At the same time, I started praying. Little did I know, that we were all praying that my future husband would walk in the door to my house.
A few months went by and I had started a dance class with a friend. It happened to be on the same night that my parents hosted a young adults bible study. All of the friends I grew up with attended the bible study, so I would make sure I came home in time to see all of them. Although I missed the study, I really enjoyed catching up with them afterwards.
One night, one of those dear friends decided to bring a guest. So, when I walked in the door and turned the corner, there he was. I knew instantly that it was him. Here I was standing in front of Phil, my future husband, in my sweat pants with my hair tied back in a sweaty pony tail and my eyes black from the smudged mascara I had put on at 6am. Wow....what an impression right? He stared at me for a few moments and then said, "I know you from somewhere."
Years back...when I was about 16 or so, a bunch of friends and I got into rock climbing big time. We were at the rock gym several times a week and Phil happened to run the gym at the time. I remembered him from the gym so in response I said "Vertical Extreme." He said "no...somewhere else" to which my friend chimed in and said "she went to Downingtown High School." And that was it. He remembered seeing me walking through the halls at school 4-5 years earlier.
He shook my hand saying "nice to meet you" thinking to himself...this is her.
to be continued......
Oct 4, 2010
Some watch football....others go fishing.
To some families, the start of fall means one thing........the start of football season. The parties begin and through the cracked windows in many homes you can hear the E.A.G.L.E.S. EAGLES!!!! chant as you drive through the neighborhood. But, does the start of fall mean football for my family? NOPE! Instead, fall strikes the start of fishing season. Or should I say, the start of insanity?
My husband is a fisherman. At times, I may even say that he is a bit obsessed. He eats, sleeps and breathes fishing. At least one of our conversations per day, deals with fishing. Yes....it's rather annoying to me, buuuttttt....it makes him happy.
So, this weekend, to prepare for the BEST Stripped Bass fishing season yet, my husband and I traveled to our much loved Brigintine, NJ to rent a house. Yes, that's right...we have rented a house just so he can go fishing. For the next month, I will rarely see my husband during weekends and will be tending to our adorable 20 month old daughter alone....but hey...again, it makes him happy right?
Oh...and I would just like to say that I'm an awesome wife because I went on this house hunt being very sick and with no voice what-so-ever! I would have rather been in bed.....but I knew how important this was to him. I think he gets a sense of pride being able to bring home food for the freezer. :)
In addition, he has entered the Stripper Derby. So...basically, everytime he gets a fish he has to take it to the bait shop and weigh it in. After the Derby ends, they total up all of your fish and you get a total weight for the season. If you have the highest number, you win like $2,000.
So....here's to renting a house for a month in hopes that hubby will have a good season!
My husband is a fisherman. At times, I may even say that he is a bit obsessed. He eats, sleeps and breathes fishing. At least one of our conversations per day, deals with fishing. Yes....it's rather annoying to me, buuuttttt....it makes him happy.
So, this weekend, to prepare for the BEST Stripped Bass fishing season yet, my husband and I traveled to our much loved Brigintine, NJ to rent a house. Yes, that's right...we have rented a house just so he can go fishing. For the next month, I will rarely see my husband during weekends and will be tending to our adorable 20 month old daughter alone....but hey...again, it makes him happy right?
Oh...and I would just like to say that I'm an awesome wife because I went on this house hunt being very sick and with no voice what-so-ever! I would have rather been in bed.....but I knew how important this was to him. I think he gets a sense of pride being able to bring home food for the freezer. :)
In addition, he has entered the Stripper Derby. So...basically, everytime he gets a fish he has to take it to the bait shop and weigh it in. After the Derby ends, they total up all of your fish and you get a total weight for the season. If you have the highest number, you win like $2,000.
So....here's to renting a house for a month in hopes that hubby will have a good season!
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