I'm not quite sure how to begin describing how faithful God is. He never forgets the things that you go through and never fails to work all things out for your good.
My parents were divorced when I was eight years. My father is a very manipulative man and unfortunaltey he managed to keep my sister and I away from our family. He would tell my grandparents, aunt, uncle and cousins that we didn't want to go to things when in reality, he never told us they were going on. I'm not quite sure why he did things like this. The only conclusion I can come to is that he has mental issues.
Anyways, my grandparents passed away a few years back. My sister and I were at the funerals but things between us and the family were not good. My cousins hated us and my aunt and uncle just didn't talk to us. We were not included as part of the family. While all the others were in the family limo, there was no room for us. While all the others sat in front of the caskets...there were no chairs for us. It was if we were strangers. It hurt....a lot.
But, the years past and we got over it. My sister and I each got married to two wonderful men. (The strange part is my sister married a man with the same name as my uncle and I married a man with the same name as my grandfather.) We had moved on with our lives. We no longer communicate to my father and we let go of any inheritance we may have gotten from our grandparents. (You see, they had picked out something special for us each to have when we were born.)
However, God does not forget. Last year, my aunt wrote my sister a letter and asked if we would get together with them. We accepted the invitation my sister, being 8 months pregnant, and I, being 5 months pregnant, drove to New Jersey with our husbands. My aunt greeted us with open arms and my uncle was so happy to see us both and see that we were both married and pregnant. It was at that time that we found out that they no longer talked to my father and knew that all these years, we were kept apart. They wanted to restore their relationship with us and also wanted to give us something from our grandparents.
Since then, it has been an amazing journey. We just spent this past Saturday with them, catching up, playing with the babies, eating, and boating. We had a wonderful time! They want go get together again very soon.
I am so amazed at the faithfulness of God. He brought us back full circle and restored the relationships that Satan had tried to destroy. It just goes to show that light shines through darkness everytime. We just have to sit and wait on the Lord, but He will always be faithful.
Today, I am in awe of God and truly amazed by Him. I have longed for my family for all these years and now...I have them back. Not only that...but every night I get to sit at the dining room table that was my grandparents and think back on all the memories I have with them. Thank you Jesus!
Aug 25, 2009
Aug 21, 2009
all in a matter of minutes
So...I can't help but wonder....am I the only one who barely has time to clean the house? As a new mom, I continue to learn the value of time. When I come home from a full day at work, the ony thing I want to do is sit down and spend some time with my husband and daughter. Doing this leaves no time for laundry or cleaning the house and for someone who grew up in a home that was spotless 100% of the time...this could cause problems.
So, I have recently found ways of utilizing my time. When I have a few extra minutes in the morning before leaving for work....I'll fold or put away some laundry, clean up our bedroom/bathroom etc. This morning, I took a few extra minutes and cleaned my shower while in it (which is so much easier then leaning over the tub to scrub it down.) I got out of the shower feeling a sense of accomplishment and it was only 6:30am. AMAZING!
So my encouragement to everyone out there who has a busy schedule....find some ways to utilize the few extra minutes you may have in a day. Simplify life. Keep Lysol wipes on the back of the toilet and if you can't get to cleaning the bathroom...give it a quick 2 minute wipe down. I have found that doing little things like this throughout the week, makes it easier to enjoy the weekends.
So, I have recently found ways of utilizing my time. When I have a few extra minutes in the morning before leaving for work....I'll fold or put away some laundry, clean up our bedroom/bathroom etc. This morning, I took a few extra minutes and cleaned my shower while in it (which is so much easier then leaning over the tub to scrub it down.) I got out of the shower feeling a sense of accomplishment and it was only 6:30am. AMAZING!
So my encouragement to everyone out there who has a busy schedule....find some ways to utilize the few extra minutes you may have in a day. Simplify life. Keep Lysol wipes on the back of the toilet and if you can't get to cleaning the bathroom...give it a quick 2 minute wipe down. I have found that doing little things like this throughout the week, makes it easier to enjoy the weekends.
Aug 17, 2009
Christina and the Terrible, Horrible, No Good, Very Bad Weekend
Ok...so maybe this weekend wasn't entirely as bad as my title portrays. Maybe I'm being a little dramatic considering the things that bothered me this weekend are small in the grand scheme of things. None the less...I didn't enjoy my weekend and here is why.
It started Thursday night. My poor daughter had some shots, one of which was the flu shot. Everything was going fine until Friday morning when she woke up with a fever of almost 102 degrees! Now, I know that a fever after shots is completely normal, but I felt horrible because I had to go to work and leave her with a friend who had never watched her before. So...the whole time at work I felt like a horrible mother for leaving my child when she didn't feel good as well as a horrible friend for leaving her with a cranky child. (I am still so thankful to the friend who was amazing and kept telling me things were fine throughout the day. Love you!)
So as Friday progressed, I had made plans to go visit a friend in the hospital who had just had a baby. I went to the flower shop and put together a beautiful bouquet of flowers (which has inspired me to do arrangement of the month I think.) I was so excited to bring them to her. I met my husband at home, fed the baby, dropped her off at my parents and we were off! Now, those of you who may know me, know that when I want to get someplace, I don't exactly take my time. Not that I'm the worlds fastest driver, but I at least do the speed limit. HOWEVER, I was not driving and my husband insisted on talking during the whole car ride, either to me or on the phone, which lead him to drive 5 miles an hour UNDER the speed limit. I just kept looking at the speedometer and sighing. I think he finally went the speed limit for the last 5 minutes of the trip. (The speed was of course blamed on the flowers because he says he didn't want to spill the water.) Anyways, we finally got there and had a very nice visit. Afterwards we had a nice dinner at the Bistro in West Chester. We went home, expecting to be home for 20 minutes before we had to go get the baby. That 20 minutes turned into and hour because I fell asleep at 7:30pm, so I then felt horrible that I had taken up my parents night and spent no time with my baby.
So I woke up on Saturday hoping to have a productive day. All I can say about Saturday is that my child was MISERABLE!!! She screamed all day long. I tried rocking...I tried tylenol...I tried the swing....I tried playing...I tried feeding....I think I tried it all and nothing would satisfy her. Poor thing felt horrible and I couldn't do anything for her. We were supposed to have a family day out on our new boat and that didn't happen. The only good thing that came out of Saturday is that my parents brought over a chair they had fixed up and I made a little desk area in my family room that looks very nice now. I realized I should have taken a before and after picture, but of course...I didn't.
On to Sunday.....We woke up and went to church without any problems. Church ran late (no surprise) so we found ourselves trying to get out so we could possibly have our boating trip since we missed it on Saturday, but go figure we had to go to Cabela's first. Now, I just have to say that I hate Cabela's. I do not enjoy shopping to begin with let alone shopping in the worlds biggest outdoor store looking at fishing supplies for several hours. It's just not mycup of tea, which I kept telling my husband but for some reason he just wasn't listening. Somehow, I got dragged in there. I was told we would only be there for an hour and then we would go boating. (I should have known better) On top of being there for almost 3 hours, trying to entertain a 6 month old, they didn't have a life vest for my daughter so we just towed the boat for nothing because again, we would not be able to make the boat trip. I was so frustrated, hungry and just plain grumpy by that point.
We finally got home, only for me to turn around and go back out to the grocery store so I could make a meal for my friend with the new baby and have lunch for the week.
Needless to say this weekend didn't go as planned and....I'm tired.
It started Thursday night. My poor daughter had some shots, one of which was the flu shot. Everything was going fine until Friday morning when she woke up with a fever of almost 102 degrees! Now, I know that a fever after shots is completely normal, but I felt horrible because I had to go to work and leave her with a friend who had never watched her before. So...the whole time at work I felt like a horrible mother for leaving my child when she didn't feel good as well as a horrible friend for leaving her with a cranky child. (I am still so thankful to the friend who was amazing and kept telling me things were fine throughout the day. Love you!)
So as Friday progressed, I had made plans to go visit a friend in the hospital who had just had a baby. I went to the flower shop and put together a beautiful bouquet of flowers (which has inspired me to do arrangement of the month I think.) I was so excited to bring them to her. I met my husband at home, fed the baby, dropped her off at my parents and we were off! Now, those of you who may know me, know that when I want to get someplace, I don't exactly take my time. Not that I'm the worlds fastest driver, but I at least do the speed limit. HOWEVER, I was not driving and my husband insisted on talking during the whole car ride, either to me or on the phone, which lead him to drive 5 miles an hour UNDER the speed limit. I just kept looking at the speedometer and sighing. I think he finally went the speed limit for the last 5 minutes of the trip. (The speed was of course blamed on the flowers because he says he didn't want to spill the water.) Anyways, we finally got there and had a very nice visit. Afterwards we had a nice dinner at the Bistro in West Chester. We went home, expecting to be home for 20 minutes before we had to go get the baby. That 20 minutes turned into and hour because I fell asleep at 7:30pm, so I then felt horrible that I had taken up my parents night and spent no time with my baby.
So I woke up on Saturday hoping to have a productive day. All I can say about Saturday is that my child was MISERABLE!!! She screamed all day long. I tried rocking...I tried tylenol...I tried the swing....I tried playing...I tried feeding....I think I tried it all and nothing would satisfy her. Poor thing felt horrible and I couldn't do anything for her. We were supposed to have a family day out on our new boat and that didn't happen. The only good thing that came out of Saturday is that my parents brought over a chair they had fixed up and I made a little desk area in my family room that looks very nice now. I realized I should have taken a before and after picture, but of course...I didn't.
On to Sunday.....We woke up and went to church without any problems. Church ran late (no surprise) so we found ourselves trying to get out so we could possibly have our boating trip since we missed it on Saturday, but go figure we had to go to Cabela's first. Now, I just have to say that I hate Cabela's. I do not enjoy shopping to begin with let alone shopping in the worlds biggest outdoor store looking at fishing supplies for several hours. It's just not mycup of tea, which I kept telling my husband but for some reason he just wasn't listening. Somehow, I got dragged in there. I was told we would only be there for an hour and then we would go boating. (I should have known better) On top of being there for almost 3 hours, trying to entertain a 6 month old, they didn't have a life vest for my daughter so we just towed the boat for nothing because again, we would not be able to make the boat trip. I was so frustrated, hungry and just plain grumpy by that point.
We finally got home, only for me to turn around and go back out to the grocery store so I could make a meal for my friend with the new baby and have lunch for the week.
Needless to say this weekend didn't go as planned and....I'm tired.
Aug 13, 2009
The Hand Upon My Shoulder
The past few months have been a struggle for me. Since I had my daughter 6 months ago, I've had a hard time finding who I am as a wife, who I am as a mother, who I am as a friend and really who I am as a person. (Thank God for my husband who has so graciously taken the brunt of my frustrations, anger, hurt and all the other emotions that my raging hormones created. I owe him BIG.) I found myself feeling empty and dry, as though something were missing from my life. Before the baby, I found myself listening to the Word FM every morning, noon and night. I was constantly filling myself with music that would lift up the Lord and inturn it would lift my spirit. For some reason....I fell out of that.
So...just last week I forced myself to turn off my ever so loved country music and put on the Word FM again. I knew I needed to be lifted spiritually. Although there were many times I was very tempted to change the dial (especially when static kicked in) I stood strong and forced the songs into my heart, brain and spirit. I knew it was what I needed to bring joy back into my life.
As I listened to the worship music while driving to work this morning I started thinking about my past and realizing just how awesome God is and how his hand has been upon my shoulder my entire life. This realization lead to the question of why?
When I was in college I got to the point where I was tired of my parents telling me what I could and couldn't do. I was tired of them telling me who I could and couldn't date. I was an adult and wanted to be treated like one. I wanted to make my own decisions. So I moved out, walking away from all of my friends and family, started dating a non-christian boy and spent my nights at a local bar. (I can only imagine the devistation my parents felt.) But after only three months, I felt God's hand of protection cover me. He sent the boy away and I found myself living back with my parents.
So I ask myself why? Why did God protect me when I didn't deserve it? Why did God save this sinner? Why did God choose to protect me, but chose to let others get their way? These are questions that I can not answer, but I will say that I am so glad He did.
I have had an incredible journey the past few years and may events are a testimony of just how great God is. Things that have happened in my life are not just coincodence, but were planned by the Lord. It is not a coincodence that I met and married my perfect match. It is not a coincodence that my daughter was born on the 27th anniversary of my brothers death. It is not a coincodence that I'm standing here feeling more filled with God's love then I ever imagined.
So today, I'm reminded that God has His hand upon my shoulder. He guides me exactly where He wants me to be and frankly, I wouldn't want it any other way.
Jeremiah 10:23 - I know, O LORD, that a man's life is not his own; it is not for man to direct his steps.
Jul 14, 2009
A Lovely Day
I don't know that you can really call this a blog because it will be short, sweet and to the point.
I woke up this morning (exhausted from taking care of my 5 month old daughter alone since friday) knowing that today was a day of new beginnings. I just knew the sun was going to shine and there would be a smile on my face.
I bought a picture last night that says the following: Today....let go of a worry, laugh out loud, create a joy, relive a memory, Relax. I will read it everyday and try to do what it says everyday.
I am blessed....no doubt about it. I have a great family. I can only count my good friends on one hand, but they are friends that I know are always there.
I woke up this morning (exhausted from taking care of my 5 month old daughter alone since friday) knowing that today was a day of new beginnings. I just knew the sun was going to shine and there would be a smile on my face.
I bought a picture last night that says the following: Today....let go of a worry, laugh out loud, create a joy, relive a memory, Relax. I will read it everyday and try to do what it says everyday.
I am blessed....no doubt about it. I have a great family. I can only count my good friends on one hand, but they are friends that I know are always there.
Jul 11, 2009
Stuck
This weekend has been one of the hardest weekends of my life...and trust me, my life hasn't been the easiest. As exhaustion sets in, I'm finding the need to write out just a quick note on my feelings so I can hopefully get a good night sleep in order to take care of my child tomorrow.
I find myself caught between two of my friends. One who is married and lost a child to miscarriage and other, who is not married and just informed me that she is pregnant. My heart aches for each of them in different ways.
I know that God is calling me to be there for both of them and that is what I will do, but for now....I really wish my husband were here to hold me up and catch the tears that just keep falling.
I find myself caught between two of my friends. One who is married and lost a child to miscarriage and other, who is not married and just informed me that she is pregnant. My heart aches for each of them in different ways.
I know that God is calling me to be there for both of them and that is what I will do, but for now....I really wish my husband were here to hold me up and catch the tears that just keep falling.
Jul 10, 2009
Pieces of the Puzzle
I don't know exactly how I'm going to express the feelings that I have inside right now. So as my husband would say...if it comes out wrong, I'll fix it later.
I think in a matter of 4 hours, I have felt every single emotion possible. Hurt, anger, frustration, happiness, lonliness and sorrow are just some. I feel like I need to curl up in a blanket with a huge bowl of ice cream and a sappy movie just so I have an excuse to cry the buckets of tears that I know others are shedding with me. These tears do not fall for me, but rather for my friends whom I love so dearly. The fact that I can't help them tears me apart.
I am the type of person that many people would call "Ms. Fixit." When my friends are hurting, I would give anything just to make them smile again and make everything okay. I am sorry, but telling me to pray for them just isn't good enough sometimes! I need to do something...even if I just sit in the silence with them. And when I say silence, I mean it because I usually end up saying something completely wrong because I feel the need to help them and it only makes things worse. (Please note that I do pray for them becuase I know that God is truly the only one who can comfort them as He should be.)
Anyways....my mom always tells me that I take on the weight of the world. I end up taking on the trials that my friends go through as my own. I don't do it for attention and I know that I can't keep putting everything in my "backpack" but I do it because I would rather all these things happen to me than to see one of my friends shed a single tear. They are all good people and deserve nothing but the best in life.
Ultimately, I know that everyone and everything will be okay. (Romans 8:28 - And we know that in all things God works for the good of those who love him, who have been called according to his purpose.) I find myself saying that God sees the whole puzzle and we just get a glimpse of a few pieces. God knows how to put the puzzle together and knows how each piece works together to make a beautiful creation. I think as people, we end up being hurt, sad, lonley, angry etc. because there are pieces to the puzzle that are unknown to us. We don't know why God allows us to go through the trials that we go through. I do think that we grow to be stronger people because of our trials; however it's so hard not to have a mix of emotions while walking through them. Why we (really it should be I) don't turn to God first is beyond me. Why is it that our human nature is to try to solve everything on our own rather than letting the Lord fix things when He knows how the pieces fit together. Didn't God make emotions? Doesn't God know everything? Why don't we (again I) lean on Him first?
Saying all of this...I find myself doing the only thing I know how to do. Pray.
Dear Jesus,
I pray right now that you will hold each and every one of my friends in your hands. Lord, you know their situations, you know their hurts, and their fears. Wrap your loving arms around them and give them peace. Let them know that you are in total control of their lives and you have an AMAZING future planned for them. Lord, help us all to trust you with our hearts, knowing You will turn all things into good for those who love You and are called according to Your purpose. We love you Lord.
Amen
I think in a matter of 4 hours, I have felt every single emotion possible. Hurt, anger, frustration, happiness, lonliness and sorrow are just some. I feel like I need to curl up in a blanket with a huge bowl of ice cream and a sappy movie just so I have an excuse to cry the buckets of tears that I know others are shedding with me. These tears do not fall for me, but rather for my friends whom I love so dearly. The fact that I can't help them tears me apart.
I am the type of person that many people would call "Ms. Fixit." When my friends are hurting, I would give anything just to make them smile again and make everything okay. I am sorry, but telling me to pray for them just isn't good enough sometimes! I need to do something...even if I just sit in the silence with them. And when I say silence, I mean it because I usually end up saying something completely wrong because I feel the need to help them and it only makes things worse. (Please note that I do pray for them becuase I know that God is truly the only one who can comfort them as He should be.)
Anyways....my mom always tells me that I take on the weight of the world. I end up taking on the trials that my friends go through as my own. I don't do it for attention and I know that I can't keep putting everything in my "backpack" but I do it because I would rather all these things happen to me than to see one of my friends shed a single tear. They are all good people and deserve nothing but the best in life.
Ultimately, I know that everyone and everything will be okay. (Romans 8:28 - And we know that in all things God works for the good of those who love him, who have been called according to his purpose.) I find myself saying that God sees the whole puzzle and we just get a glimpse of a few pieces. God knows how to put the puzzle together and knows how each piece works together to make a beautiful creation. I think as people, we end up being hurt, sad, lonley, angry etc. because there are pieces to the puzzle that are unknown to us. We don't know why God allows us to go through the trials that we go through. I do think that we grow to be stronger people because of our trials; however it's so hard not to have a mix of emotions while walking through them. Why we (really it should be I) don't turn to God first is beyond me. Why is it that our human nature is to try to solve everything on our own rather than letting the Lord fix things when He knows how the pieces fit together. Didn't God make emotions? Doesn't God know everything? Why don't we (again I) lean on Him first?
Saying all of this...I find myself doing the only thing I know how to do. Pray.
Dear Jesus,
I pray right now that you will hold each and every one of my friends in your hands. Lord, you know their situations, you know their hurts, and their fears. Wrap your loving arms around them and give them peace. Let them know that you are in total control of their lives and you have an AMAZING future planned for them. Lord, help us all to trust you with our hearts, knowing You will turn all things into good for those who love You and are called according to Your purpose. We love you Lord.
Amen
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